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Insult Swordfighting

Insult Swordfighting

Last update 

If ever a wandering pirate challenges you to a duel at blades, know exactly the correct retort to every thrust.

Items (48)

  • You fight like a Dairy Farmer!

    How appropriate! You fight like a cow!

  • This is the END for you, you gutter crawling cur!

    And I've got a little TIP for you, get the POINT?

  • I've spoken with apes more polite than you!

    I'm glad to hear you attended your family reunion!

  • Soon you'll be wearing my sword like a shish kebab!

    First you better stop waving it about like a feather duster.

  • People fall at my feet when they see me coming!

    Even BEFORE they smell your breath?

  • I'm not going to take your insolence sitting down!

    Your hemorroids are flaring up again eh?

  • I once owned a dog that was smarter than you.

    He must have taught you everything you know.

  • Nobody's ever drawn blood from me and nobody ever will.

    You run THAT fast?

  • Have you stopped wearing diapers yet?

    Why? Did you want to borrow one?

  • There are no words for how disgusting you are.

    Yes there are. You just never learned them.

  • You make me want to puke.

    You make me think somebody already did.

  • My handkerchief will wipe up your blood!

    So you got that job as janitor, after all.

  • I got this scar on my face during a mighty struggle!

    I hope now you've learned to stop picking your nose.

  • I've heard you are a contemptible sneak.

    Too bad no one's ever heard of YOU at all.

  • You're no match for my brains, you poor fool.

    I'd be in real trouble if you ever used them.

  • You have the manners of a beggar.

    I wanted to make sure you'd feel comfortable with me.

  • Now I know what filth and stupidity really are.

    I'm glad to hear you attended your family reunion.

  • Every word you say to me is stupid.

    I wanted to make sure you'd feel comfortable with me.

  • I've got a long, sharp lesson for you to learn today.

    And I've got a little TIP for you. Get the POINT?

  • I will milk every drop of blood from your body!

    How appropriate, you fight like a cow!

  • I've got the courage and skill of a master swordsman.

    I'd be in real trouble if you ever used them.

  • My tongue is sharper than any sword

    First, you'd better stop waving it like a feather-duster.

  • My name is feared in every dirty corner of this island!

    So you got that job as a janitor, after all.

  • My wisest enemies run away at the first sight of me!

    Even BEFORE they smell your breath?

  • Only once have I met such a coward!

    He must have taught you everything you know.

  • If your brother's like you, better to marry a pig.

    You make me think somebody already did.

  • No one will ever catch ME fighting as badly as you do.

    You run THAT fast?

  • My last fight ended with my hands covered with blood.

    I hope now you've learned to stop picking your nose.

  • I hope you have a boat ready for a quick escape.

    Why, did you want to borrow one?

  • My sword is famous all over the Caribbean!

    Too bad no one's ever heard of YOU at all.

  • You are a pain in the backside, sir!

    Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh?

  • There are no clever moves that can help you now.

    Yes there are. You just never learned them.

  • Every enemy I've met I've annihilated!

    With your breath, I'm sure they all suffocated.

  • You're as repulsive as a monkey in a negligee.

    I look THAT much like your fiancée?

  • Killing you would be justifiable homicide!

    Then killing you must be justifiable fungicide.

  • You're the ugliest monster ever created!

    If you don't count all the ones you've dated.

  • I'll skewer you like a sow at a buffet!

    When I'm done with you, you'll be a boneless filet.

  • Would you like to be buried, or cremated?

    With you around, I'd prefer to be fumigated.

  • Coming face to face with me must leave you petrified!

    Is that your face? I thought it was your backside.

  • When your father first saw you, he must have been mortified!

    At least mine can be identified.

  • You can't match my witty repartee!

    I could, if you would use some breath spray.

  • I have never seen such clumsy swordplay!

    You would have, but you were always running away.

  • En garde! Touché!

    Oh, that is so cliché.

  • Throughout the Caribbean, my great deeds are celebrated!

    Too bad they're all fabricated.

  • I can't rest 'til you've been exterminated!

    Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated.

  • I'll leave you devasted, mutilated, and perforated!

    Your odor alone makes me aggravated, agitated, and infuriated.

  • Heaven preserve me! You look like something that's died!

    The only way you'll be preserved is in formaldehyde.

  • I'll hound you night and day!

    Then be a good dog. Sit! Stay!